Over the past year or so, I’ve been inspired by and then experimented with projects that centered on love and loving. Recently, I read about a guy who was writing anonymous love letters and hiding them around London for random people to find and read. I watched the attached video in his blog and it almost made me cry. I must do this!
A day later, I had the inspired idea of taking all these projects and creating a mini-course where people are diving in together and taking “out of the box” action by doing various love “experiments”. The experiments wouldn’t be too daring, but of the sort that you may not think of doing, especially alone. Then, each week the group would come together to discuss what happened, what obstacles came up. The idea is that if we want more love in our lives, we need to be moving and being more loving with ourselves and others. The course would have two results: experiencing more love OR experiencing the resistance to love. Either way, you are becoming aware of how to access more of what you are- LOVE.
Before starting with a larger group, I decided to start with myself (and a friend who is usually willing to do these sorts of projects with me- she’s awesome!). We are coming to the end of Week 1.
This blog will give periodic updates about what happens in the course for me.
Here’s the latest: I started the first 2 experiments on a friday. I was enthusiastic, but knowing my tendency to be enthusiastic and then let things fade, I decided to keep it very simple. I won’t go into the assignment itself, but I will tell you that whole day, I felt an ease that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I decided to not make myself bad or wrong about anything- any decision or action. I know that sounds radical, but I figured that if I could do it for an afternoon or day, I could carry it for the week. What I mean about not making myself bad or wrong is not that I wouldn’t make changes or corrections as needed, but that I wouldn’t condemn myself for whatever happened. So freeing!
I noticed also that I was wanting to hug my kids more. I wanted to just sit on the couch with them and hug them. It became a game where I’d sneak in a hug while they were reading or ask for a snuggle during a movie. I also am more affectionate with my husband-he likes that! Then, while I was meditating, I started to think about my siblings and I started to weep because I realized that I loved them so much. It was pretty amazing because to the outsider it would seem a bit strange, but to me it seemed to natural to feel that level of love.
Then, the resistance came up. I was talking to my husband about meeting some new people and how I felt like I didn’t have many friends and how I do goofy things when I meet people. I started to feel like I was pushing people away etc. Later, as I thought of the conversation, I could see how the ego came in through the backdoor and was creating a problem where there was none. I was making myself bad and wrong about how I acted in front of new people. I started to laugh- there it was! Resistance. The resistance was making me afraid and constrained…feelings with which I’m very familiar. It was great to feel the resistance, notice it, and see it for what it is. I can let it go…until the next time.
Tomorrow I check in with my fellow Love Experimenter. We’ll see what unfolds..